Random

I write things down in my phone that I want to journal. Then a year later I finally do something about it. It goes as follows:

 

 

October 2012
"I got stuck sleep because it was too dark in my bedroom" Bridger

 

February 2013
"Rechargeries" Bridger's name for rechargeable batteries.

 "Rememberies" Bridger's name for memories that he remembers.

 

 

Starting November 2013 and going older:

 "Are we going to be sleepovering?" Bridger when we were going to spend the night at Nana and Poppy's

 "Panacakes" Bridger's term for pancakes

"Are we going to get our tires inspectated?" Bridger when we needed to get our tires inspected and rotated.

 

"You're my best fairy friend love Natalynn. Do you know if Carol has a tooth fairy? Her mom says she is her tooth fairy." A note Natalynn left for the toothfairy. The toothfairy left chalk and a note outside on the sidewalk. So Natalynn wrote back on the driveway.

 

"I know what I want for Christmas is my tooth is not out. I want Santa to punch me so my tooth falls out." Natalynn

 

Natalynn was so brave when she got her teeth pulled. She was clearly scared to go in but she didn't resist. She squeezed her leg then She held my hand so tight. Those teeth were so long! When it didn't hurt she was so surprised!

 

"How do you get money from the government?" Bridger... yep he lives in the age of mooching and he's catching on already.

 

"Natalynn come on up. I promise I'm not trying to trick ya...well actually I am." Bridger. Gotta love his honesty!

 

"I wish I had a REAL imaginary friend" Bridger

 

Bridger was very sleepy one morning and not physically or mentally quick. He said, "I'm just a little slow." He meant physically but he was so slow to understand my request it made it so funny. He got upset when I started laughing.

 

"No I said u. You don't really have the right mind. I know I said u and o." Bridger. We were having a discussion on letters for some reason. I thought it hilarious when he said I don't have the right mind.

 

Natalynn gave Bridger a remote control helicopter for his birthday. We warned him that they break easily. It lasted for months! One day Natalynn did something clearly not careful and broke it. Brigham got so mad. He yelled at her. Bridger was so kind. He forgave her and spoke so sweetly to her. It reminded me of how my dad was so nice to me when I broke his blue print machine.

 

Bridger is very aware of how much tv he watches and how it makes him feel when he watches to much.

 

He also had some very mature feelings and understands others feelings and the reasons behind those feelings.

March 2013
B: Why do you and mom get to go to bed later than us?
N: Because they take more naps

 

A: Bridger, come get your apple
B: No you bring it here
A: What!? Who do you think I am?
B: (giggling) A robot who brings things to us!

 

October 29 2013
"oh Natalynn, you always have to make yourself think that I steal your stuff" Bridger said to himself when Natalynn was at school when he found her lost item in the dollhouse

"Mom, can I have a stapler? how would you feel if I had two staplers and you had none?" Bridger

4 Weeks after surgery.

Watch every movement. Hold in every sneeze. Before a stretch comes on, tighten stomach muscles so you can tame the stretch. Those suckers hurt. Don't scratch your back. Don't reach to the side funny (oh, you put the cell phone down in the wrong spot? Gotta get up, no twisting or reaching over). Don't sit down quickly. Step softly. Don't stop breathing when it hurts. The feeling of a 10 pound weight on your lungs is not real. And stop thinking about how badly you want to squeeze those precious kids-ain't gonna happen. Don't open that sliding door, or plug in that appliance. Fast-forward romantic scenes. When thirsty for milk, rejoice that the jug is half empty. Don't look in the mirror after your shower. Don't think about how your husband is ever going to be attracted to you again. Feel like letting it all out with a good cry? Don't. There is no acceptable release.

Dream about feet hitting pavement. Breathing hard, watching the world fly by. You're going to be able to run for the first time in your life! (As soon as that @#!% sternum stops popping.) I think cussing is common, but in this case, it feels so good. Maybe that's why this is taking so long. I need to learn to be patient and thankful. "Come what may and love it"

Guess what? You can help! Stop complaining about your perfect lives! It's making me want to scream. If I ever complain about a stomach bug, or bad weather, or not getting my shopping done, or how long it takes to curl my hair, go ahead and rip open my chest again to remind me to appreciate the little inconveniences. Your boyfriend treats you bad? Leave him! Don't like the snow? Move! Don't want to catch a cold? Don't leave your house! Just STOP complaining!

And yet, here I am complaining about what could be trivial to some. What I have is not terminal or chronic. My kids are healthy. My family is forever. What could be better than that? I am lucky. My life is still perfect. My Savior lives and loves me.

3 weeks after surgery.

A couple of days ago I thought this was the longest couple of weeks of my life. But now I'm starting to settle in to this lazy mode. I worry I may never come out of it. I've forgotten how to work. We might have to hire a house keeper/nanny.

Up until now

The fun things my kids have said and done up until now, from oldest to newest:

"A perfect idea just came up to my brain!" -Bridger

"Thank you for waking me up to go potty. I don't want to pee in my new sheets." -Bridger

"What rhymes with pancake? Mancake!" -Bridger (I'll take one of those)

Natalynn was eating one of my mismashed casserole dinners where I just put random foods together. She picked up a piece of food with her fork and said, "what's this? Oh well, it's in here so it must be an ingredient." She has such trust in me and my scary cooking.

"it's called a run jump" -Bridger, when explaining what leap year is, he remembered the term a little differently.

Bridger calls maroon Ramoon

"I love you more than anyone has ever loved their mom" -Natalynn

Natalynn really enjoys her piano lessons. She earns prizes from her teacher for practicing. She almost always gets something for her brother too, although I've never asked her to.

Bridger wanted to learn to jump rope so she decided to give him lessons every Tuesday and after his first lesson she gave him a prize. They have since forgotten to do this.

Bridger loves to style his hair. He gets it wet and does lots of interesting hair styles. One day he comes to me all excited and says, "it's like a cupcake with frosting on top!" Indeed, it was like swirly frosting.

"Oh! My nose is itchy. Maybe some germs were biting it." -Bridger

3 Weeks

A couple of days ago I thought this was the longest couple of weeks of my life. But now I'm starting to settle in to this lazy mode. I worry I may never come out of it. I've forgotten how to work. We might have to hire a house keeper/nanny.

Frustration

Does forgetting for a split second ruin a week's worth of healing? I let the dog out, open the sliding door, pull too hard, too fast, and now I'm back to square one. Well, not quite, but it just feels like I'm not healing as fast as I should be.  I'm no good at being a cripple. I feel like I'm wasting the efforts of my family and friends who do so much for us.

Two weeks!

I'm so happy to be done with my first two weeks. The shifting of bone against bone is gone. Pain is under control. Everything is great! In two weeks I'll be able to lift a whopping 10 pounds! That's pretty much anything in the kitchen and laundry. I'm excited to not be a burden.

I'm actually feeling good today. I've had some bad days, but today was great. I went to my first cardiac rehab appointment. It felt so good to exercise again! Although they made me go slow and only work my legs. It still felt good

I want to give a big thanks to everyone who has helped us. This time of year is so busy for everyone, but especially for Brigham. His workload at UPS during the holidays is crazy and he's had deadlines at his architectural job too. Thank you for everything!!!

What I Wish I'd Known Before Heart Surgery

Excruciating pain this morning.

1. Do not go off pain killers just because you feel good. Because:
a) You have to sleep on your back in a reclined position and cannot adjust yourself. This gets painful. You do not sleep. Your muscles tighten into horrible knots. You wake in intense pain. Stay on drugs.
b) Strong pain killers take away the need for a good morning stretch. You know the kind that is involuntary and usually feels so good. These stretches are bad for broken sternums. I'd gotten the shifting of bone against bone to stop. Now it's back. A week's worth of healing down the tube.
c) Pain pills make you tired. Sleep makes you heal.

2. Realize that the doctor is going to wrap your sternum with wire. This is permanent. If you have a sensitivity to nickel tell your doctor. There is nothing worse than being allergic to something that will never go away. I'm not sure if this is my problem yet. All I know is I was miserable this morning. Took pain pills and an allergy pill just in case.

3. I should have been holding my heart pillow during all movements to speed healing. I should have been informed of this upon discharge.

One Week Down!

I'm doing a little better each day. Only 3 more weeks until I can drive again, lift more than 5 pounds, and raise my hands over my head!

I am married to an angel. I used to think my husband was not the least bit romantic. I was wrong. I just didn't know the meaning of the word. Romantic is when he loves you so much he wants to do everything for you. When he uses the softest voice to wake you up for pain meds and helps you get up so you don't get blood clots. When he thanks you for being nice because it's the middle of the night, even though he's tired and had to wake up too. When you have to convince him that washing the table won't hurt. When he carries a recliner up the stairs, throws his back out, and tries to hide it do you don't feel bad. Love this man.

December

A: Are you sleeping on my bed or your bed?
B: My bed, because it's more wider. (?)

Dora the Explorer DS game: Say backpack! Louder! Say backpack!
B: Backpack
N: Bridger, you can say anything
A: Really?
N: Yeah, one time I said, sooo-she! I wish we had sushi.

Sunday night, after fast and testimony meeting, Natalynn said she wanted to fast and pray for me to get better. Prayer does work, by the way. It's been scientifically proven and it's helped me tremendously. Thank you all very much!

Today Natalynn and Bridger cleaned up the basement without being asked. Amazing kids. Also, I was so tired tonight I could barely get myself to read Natalynn's second book. She looked up at me and said, "mom, you don't have to read it." Sweetest girl on the planet.

Dec 15: Natalynn wanted to fast for me. Sweet girl. She went until 11 a.m. and said, "I'm not even hungry!" But I was eating soup at the time and thought she was probably giving herself a pep talk. So we counted the hours since she had eaten dinner: 15 hours! We both thought that was a lot for a 6 year old. Counting the hours made her realize the significance of her efforts. We prayed, enjoyed the Spirit, and ate lunch. Thank you Natalynn for your love and example of faith. I love you!

Bridger to Natalynn playing DS: You're actually pretty good at this game. I have a hard time with this game. Natalynn to Bridger: I love you more than anyone can count.

Dec 16 Bridger almost hurt me, but I assured him that he was such a good listener when I asked him to get off, that he didn't hurt me. He declined the offer from Daddy to walk to the bus stop, "No, I want to stay and make sure Mommy's ok."

Home Now!

I'm doing a little better each day. My husband won't let me do anything! They gave us a very serious talk before releasing me about what will happen if I lift anything or move suddenly. Brigham is following their every word, love him, but driving me nuts! I guess he likes me or something.

The kids are so sweet to me. They give me the softest hugs and love to help me.

My family and friends are the absolute best. I have more offers of help than I know what to do with. Thank you everyone! Love you all

My Adventure

I woke up Tuesday morning and prayed. I was reminded of all the good things people said about Dr Thorn, as well as his own confidence. I also had lots of good ideas about primary. I figured I wasn't going to get revelation about primary if my time on earth was over!

Going in to surgery was an experience. I thought I'd be terrified, shaking, and bawling. But as I tried to keep hymns and primary songs in my head. I was able to stay calm. (Brigham gave me a blessing Sunday, so that helped a lot.)

I had heard that waking up after surgery was a surge of relief, and I guess I was relieved, because I was in a joking mood. I was super groggy, but told Brigham I had my colon removed, and when he would go into surgery he would get his heart repaired. I don't think the nurse laughed. She didn't know Brigham's medical history. I didn't think it was funny either, but Brig and Dawn did.

The pain has been mostly pressure. There is was lot of swelling in my chest.  They make you breath deeply and it hurt. But yesterday I got the drainage tubes out of my chest, and now I'm on motrin, so the swelling is finally gone.

I'm sure this is boring, and I'm on drugs so it might not make sense, but it's my journal, and how I am right now, so no editing later.

I have a new respect for nurses now. I almost want to be one, until they have to empty my catheter bag. Oh, fun fact, they gave me 20 lbs of fluid before surgery. And I didn't need blood! My heart is working!

The nurses think it's weird to have a patient that works hard to get better. I get my breathing up to 1500 and ask to walk 5 laps around ICU. I know my age makes a big difference, but they said that gender does too. Their biggest wimps are the 22 year old men. Whenever they have a young man they argue to get out of being his nurse.

So lots of questions answered in this experience.
1. Why we got a "not yet" answer on if we should have a baby. The nurses can't believe I survived the first two.
2. Why an inexperienced, unqualified girl was made primary president. The nurses also can't believe my only symptom was palpitations. It's usually migraines, blood clots, stroke, or death. The stress of primary saved me. So, Bishop, you can get someone who will do a good job now!

The dog's name is now Booger Thomas Chooy Bridger

Surgery Update

I had a pre-surgery appointment today, and asked lots of questions. My defect is 1.9 cm, about 3/4 of an inch. It's considered large, but that's not the reason surgery is necessary. It has no border, so if they were to use a device closure (scope), the device would fail. At that point surgery would be necessary, and it becomes a higher risk.

I've done some research online. The doctor is experienced, and I've only read good things about him.  I've read some medical journals that backs up what he said about the border problem. Brigham actually grew up with Dr. Thorne's nurse, and she promises I'm in good hands.

The surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, November 29.

I feel good about this, it's the right decision, but I'm scared. Prayers are appreciated and needed.

Sudoku whiz!

I told her lots of clues like, "figure out where the 6 goes in this box" and she had fun!

Bridger and I cleaned the kids bedroom while Chinnie was at school. She walked in and said, "It looks like a real bedroom!" What did it look like before? "A pile of toys"

Heart Surgery

On November 4th I was referred to a heart specialist for heart palpitations. I had an echo which showed a hole between my left and right atria (atrial septal defect). They were almost positive it would require surgery. On November 15 I had a transesophageal echocardiogram (ultrasound down the throat, ouch) that confirmed.

ASD is a birth defect. Most ASD's can be fixed my scope. Mine is too large. The hole has been causing my right atrium to enlarge, and if left untreated could cause stoke or blood clots in the lungs. I will be having open heart surgery the week after thanksgiving. My heart will be stopped, sternum cut, all the fun stuff. It will be at St. Mark's hospital, with a stay of 3-5 days. But on the bright side, it's not a risky surgery, and I should be fairly normal by Christmas, not that I'm normal in the first place, haha.

The stress in my life has been a blessing in disguise. If it hadn't been for my calling at church and kids, I probably wouldn't have felt any symptoms. The Lord has been taking good care of me, something good is going to come out of this. I'm so thankful for my faith, my family, and UPS's health insurance!

Hope that answers most of your questions.

Bridger

Background info: In Garfield, the Movie, Garfield says to John, "you're not only my owner, you're my primary caregiver." Today Bridger said, "You're not only my owner, you're my primary president!"

He's so curious about everything! He wants to know what makes cars stop and go. How the vacuum works. What that part on the mop does. How do DVDs work. I really don't know, but he sparks my curiosity as well.

Today I was diverting my thoughts away from surgery by vacuuming and mopping. Bridger was my super super helper. He said, "it's like...it's like we're friends and we help each other!" I love this boy and the way he can help me look beyond my problems and see what really matters. The trivial things in life doesn't matter as much our relationships, and the time we spend with them. Love you Bridger Boy.

"As I get older then I can get glasses, right?" As I? Why does he speak so well sometimes, but he still says "amn' t"? I love hearing him say "I amn't going to..."

Parenting Technique

Being a parent is hard. I have great kids and it's still hard. We've been taking a great parenting class. It's all about the feel-good, boost-your-child's-self-esteem, western parenting stuff. I agreed with it.

Then I started reading Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother. It's about the super strict, force-them-to-achieve-so-they-can-boost-their-own-self-esteem, goal oriented, chinese style parenting. I agreed with it.

How do I decide which style to favor when they are so opposite? I like them both. Do I just go straight down the center?

The answer came during church. Christ is our teacher, our leader. Do what He would do. Simple. Be an example. He always used open, honest, loving communication. He taught and persuaded instead of commanding and ordering. Above all, He served, He loved.

October

A: Where is the wind? I can't see it.
B: It's hiding. Ackshewie (actually) it's camouflaged.

Bridger talked in his sleep, "Once upon a time..."
And when he woke up he told me he had a dream about a cave and bears and a big house up to the sky and mountains.

"I'll have to wash hands." -Bridger. I guess he talks in his sleep a lot when he's sick.

"I love you more than dogs and cars and motorcycles" Sweetest thing a boy ever said to his mama. I wish I could live up to that kind of love. I love you too Bridger Boy.

B: This orange doesn't even have any bones! Acshewie, it's quite good

N: I love you more than love

A: How was preschool?
B: We learned... I don't remember... Fingers are phalanges, toes are too!!

On a sad note, Natalynn's two new bottom teeth are not looking very promising. Her first was a crooked shark tooth. The second is 90 degrees away from being perfect. Once again, I am so thankful for UPS's insurance! And so thankful to have a husband that works his bum off.

N: Do you know what alliteration is? (then goes on to correctly define the word)

Conference Bingo

Conference has been fun this year. We did conference bingo for the first time and it did it's job of making the kids pay attention. The month of April was referenced and Bridger said, "They're talking to you mom! They said April!"

Angry Birds was talked about, which made Natalynn very excited, so I explained that they were teaching not to play it too, too much.

My favorite quote went something like, "Be as quick to kneel as you are to text."

I love conference! Can't wait for tomorrow!

School Picture

Family Pictures!

It's about time! The last family pictures we had was when I was prego with Bridger. I had the most difficult time narrowing down the pictures to my favorites. Our photographer, Nicole Cropper, was awesome! She's great with kids, and very affordable! Thanks Nicole!!